Intimacy is Uncomfortable
Intimacy is uncomfortable
I recently experienced freedom track with our church. If you are unfamiliar with “ freedom”, let me just inform you: It is an amazing class filled with the goodness of God. It really reveals different areas that you hold onto and also need to let go of and accept healing. There is a retreat after twelve weeks that our church puts on where all of us come together and have an encounter with God. Well, I experienced this recently and it has left me delivered! But… I’m also realizing how highly uncomfortable it has left me.
So I have been having this thought… When you wed yourself to someone in holy matrimony, you are then moving into another level of intimacy. Not an intimacy only based on emotion, but an intimacy founded in trust. You allow yourself to be seen. Not just your body, but your heart. When things can just become monotonous, in a Christ like marriage, you are continuing to say, “Hey you can look at me, and you can look intensely, and I will be uncomfortable. But I will still show you my heart in good times and bad. I will show up.”
With that understanding, God says that we are His bride. I’ve been trying to understand why after this amazing encounter with God, I feel so uncomfortable with myself. I believe the Holy Spirit revealed to me last night that I am so unfamiliar with saying “come and be with me” unless it’s on my terms. Unless I’m in a place where I feel stable emotionally or I feel like I’m at an all time low. I have been shown mercy and kindness. I encountered a deep love this past week, a love that told me He is completely proud of me and wants way more intimacy than what we have had. As much as He is kind, as much as I love Him, I am uncomfortable with this intimacy. I am timid. I am even stubborn. Yet I know that only good fruit will be produced once I run to Him through any and everything that comes up. I wonder if when Adam and Eve ate of the fruit, if the God of our hearts wept and thought, “I just wanted us to walk together through everything. I didn’t want you to question my love for you. I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable.”
“At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. The earth shook, the rocks split.”
Here is the truth. Jesus tore the veil. The veil has been removed. Intimacy is no longer a threat, it is life. It is mercy. May we draw near to Him in our own depravity today so that we can experience being one with Him. May we allow ourselves to be seen and invite Him.