His Plans Always Prevail
I will never forget the first time I saw my husband Kerry’s face. We were quite young. I was staying over at a friend’s house and her older brother left to meet up with his friend down the street. As we began to walk up the driveway to meet them, his friend rode up on his bicycle (yes picture it lol) and my little heart skipped a beat. His face was so beautiful and I was completely captivated. My stomach twisted in knots and it was a feeling I had never felt before. I only saw him a few times after that but I thought of him often.
So let’s fast forward a couple of years later. I get my first ever boyfriend. And yes, I was too young to have a boyfriend! Anyway, imagine my surprise when I found out his best friend is none other than Kerry! So during the time I was dating his best friend I would often hang out with Kerry. He was extremely funny and always kept me laughing. I thought of his smile often and we began to write each other letters. My then boyfriend found out and he was so hurt. And honestly, I felt horrible for what I had done. We broke up and I no longer spoke to either of them. I kept to myself for a time and I saw Kerry here and there at school or at the park but I always felt awkward around him. A year later I began seeing him at school much more often. I couldn’t take my eyes off him!! I became a bit of a stalker (hey don’t judge)! I learned his schedule and would purposefully walk near his classes. He didn’t seem to notice me. So, I moved on. I tried to forget about him and began to date someone else but before I go into that, let me tell you what was going on in my home life. It was a bit chaotic to say the least.
Here is a bit of insight: My parents had me at a very young age and despite them trying to do the best they could they did not have a solid foundation. They both had come from dysfunctional upbringings. Their lack of tools for a successful marriage, young ages, and no Godly guidance took them straight into the hands of the enemy. They ended up in a divorce and this left me questioning my identity. Both parents went on to have extremely abusive relationships with others. There were addictions, adultery, verbal, physical and mental abuse within those relationships and it really took a toll on me. My mom moved to Florida for a while and once she returned I bounced from house to house until my dad remarried. He wasn’t married long when I caught her cheating on him. That marriage ended and eventually my dad became non existent within my life once he remarried for the third time. This new wife caused unspeakable trauma to my emotional well being. I will not go into detail but I have since forgiven her and pray for her regularly.
Then there was my mom. She was living with an alcoholic ex-con who would regularly verbally and physically abuse her. It was hell for me. Countless times I had to step in and stop the fights or call the cops. It was also embarrassing. When he wasn’t drunk he was very good to us. He always provided for us and thankfully he never abused me. For the time being, he was the only father figure I had. So, there you have it. My childhood in a nutshell.
Now, back to the guy I began dating. I was seeking attention and all I wanted was for someone to love me and this boy did and said everything a girl could want. I felt loved and taken care of. Everything was great until I moved in with him. He became very controlling. He wanted to control what I wore, where I went, and who I spoke to. I took on as many work hours as I could so that I would not have to face him. I fell into a deep depression. Despite battling bouts of depression before, I had never felt so drained. The light was fading. I was so lost. There I was, unmarried, living in sin with a boyfriend who had begun to abuse me. I was so far from God that I even questioned His existence. The abyss was deep and I was sinking. Then just like that a light came in.
The Lord allowed Kerry to walk right back into my life and this time it was Kerry that pursued me. And the rest is history.
Despite all of my sins, God wanted the best for me. He had a purpose, a hope, and future. Even I could not destroy His plans for me. Before He formed me He knew me. There is not a doubt in my mind that when God created Kerry He was also thinking of me. As I look back on each moment, so often I thought I was alone but I was not. My God never did forsake me. He was there the whole time. He forgave me of my sins. He washed me clean. He redeemed me. I am now one flesh with a man that I will remain in a covenant along with the Lord our Savior as a three stranded cord.
Our God is so loving and intimate. He does not want to condemn us. He wants us to freely choose Him. He wants us to want to confess our sins and have a relationship with Him. Just as we pursue a spouse, He wants us as a church to be His bride and pursue Him as the bridegroom. He is a deliverer, a redeemer, and a restorer. There is nothing He cannot do. It is He who gives us prosperity. He wants to take our filthy rags of sin and clothe us in fine linen of righteousness.