His Love Never Fails
As I dash for the door I’m trying to gather all of my belongings. I am aware that I am running late and that is unlike me. Come to think of it I’ve been feeling quite strange the past few days and I keep forgetting things. Did I grab everything? Oh well, no time to think about it; I’ve got to go. I jump into my car and begin to back up and then BAM! I hit my husband’s car!! How in the world did I do that? What is wrong with me? I run back into the house and literally collapse in the hallway at my husband’s feet. “What is wrong?” He asks as he bends down to console me. As I’m crying in his lap I begin to tell him that I hit his car and something must be wrong with me. Stammering I begin to say “I think… I think… I might be… Pregnant!” I’m just as shocked as he is about what just came out of my mouth. He’s not even concerned about the vehicles and he holds me and tells me everything will be okay. I decide to go and get a pregnancy test and we will meet up for lunch to see the results.
As we wait for a line to show up possibly two, we wait in silence. I look above to a verse upon my bathroom wall and read “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Yes, love. Love never fails. A few minutes slowly go by and I look back over at the stick and there it is. Wow, two lines it is and just like that we will be parents!
The day has come and he’s finally here! All 5 pounds and 3 ounces of him. Yes, he’s 4 weeks early but praise God he is healthy despite the attacks from the enemy upon my pregnancy. We count his fingers and his toes and we marvel at such perfection. So completely and perfectly meshed with both his father’s traits and mine. Blue eyes, dark blonde hair, and big lips. Yes, he’s definitely ours. My God in heaven you have really outdone yourself. We do everything we can to protect him and it’s a love like I have never known. I would die for this child. I live for this child. He’s the beat of my heart and the reason for the laughter upon my lips. Everything he does is so perfectly perfect.
He’s growing and he’s growing fast. From his first word to his first step. Before I could even blink I’m driving him to school and I’ve gone from home mom to class mom. Going on field trips to cheering him on as team mom in the dugout. Girlfriends and high school dances. It all happened in a flash. I often asked myself did I do this or that right? Was it enough or was it too much? Aghhh Help Lord! I just don’t know. And then all of a sudden he’s graduating. Wait what? No way! Not already? Before I can grasp the thought that he will soon be 19 he says he’s moving out and quite possibly out of state!!! Huh?? I couldn’t have heard correctly. Panic sets in and I think to myself he is not ready (I’m definitely not ready). There is still so much to teach him. This wasn’t the plan. It’s too soon. You are just my little baby boy. It feels like yesterday I brought you home in your little blue outfit.
And yet here I sit in an empty room remembering all the joy you have brought me. All the responsibility you taught me. You made me a mommy. You shaped me into me. We have shared so many firsts together. I can’t let you go… but deep down I know that I have to. As much as I may want to protect you from the harsh realities of the world, I know that I must let you go. I was once your age making the same decisions. I look back and realize how God was patient and He was kind. He didn’t hold me back or make me do what He knew was best at that time. He simply watched and waited. He never left me and never did He forsake me. He gave me free will and He knew that His love would bring me back to Him. Love never fails. For I know that as much as I love you, God loves you that much more.
So my son, my first born who showed me how to love without measure; I will let you go. I will be patient. I will wait and watch and no matter how long it may be, I will be here if ever you need. I will not trust in what I believe is “too soon” and yet I will take comfort in the one who watches over all of us. His plans for your life are beyond all I could ever imagine. My prayer for you is that no matter where you go in life, you will never forget that the Holy Spirit dwells within you and your mom and dad will always love you.
As for me, how dare I ever forget just how big our Father in heaven is. Our creator who is powerful and ever so miraculous. His love alone surpasses all understanding. Least I forget that He holds us in the palm of His hand? My God, my God, forgive me. For he was never mine to begin with but Yours. So, Lord I lay my son at Your feet. I trust in You and Your will be done.